Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
