What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
