I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
