I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
