if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
