yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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