did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
