i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
