im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
