so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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