you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
