i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is wine microwaveable?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
