what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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