Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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