the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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