I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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