Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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