Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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