I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
