I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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