You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
