Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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