I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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