I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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