i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
