Someone shit on the floor
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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