I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
