Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
