Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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