I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
