It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
