I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
