Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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