Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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