you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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