O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
