she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
