idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
