The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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