I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
