i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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