i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
