You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
