So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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