i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
