What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
