My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
