the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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