Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it because I queefed?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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