Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
