Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
