I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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