There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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